Eat my shorts

I think that's a raunchy pejorative, but I'm hungry enough that it has a double meaning for the purposes of this post. I went shopping the other day at Dick's Sporting Goods for new hiking boots (my beloved Merrells started leaking after five years of fairly vigorous dog walking; they've been replaced by some Timberlands) and a display of Under Armour shorts caught my eye. So I tried some on. XL first, just out of habit, I guess. Waaaay too big. Then L, also too, ahem, large! So this is me in MEDIUM shorts, probably for the first time since the late 90's. Anybody ever read Stephen King's Elevation?